Since early 2015, I have meditated upon this verse almost to the point of an obsession. I knew in 2016 that this scripture was supposed to be taken personally, but it felt impossible and contradictory to my real life. He couldn’t possibly understand. Stillness felt like a distant request that was far-fetched and unattainable.
Why would God be stalking me with this verse? I get it. I’m doing too much.
I’ll slow down, Jesus….Eventually.
I soon learned that God, in His mercy, would use this same annoyance of a verse to save my life just two years later.
By 2017, I had a booming custom home goods business while operating a well-received women’s ministry. I was asked to speak all over the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex in addition to several out-of-state speaking engagements. Working with celebrity clientele for my custom gift boxes, candles, and pillows was not unusual. (let’s say Tyra knows my name, and I will never get over that). I couldn’t believe it. I was finally able to witness what two years of hard work and sleepless nights could produce
In the meantime, I couldn’t fully appreciate the newfound success. Behind the scenes, I was falling apart. I experienced daily anxiety attacks, flu-like symptoms for extended periods, fainting spells, and a 30-pound weight gain that nobody could diagnose. Additionally, I dealt with debilitating depression, boils in my armpits for months at a time, and my blood pressure numbers had doctors surprised I hadn’t fallen over dead yet. I was a complete and total mess.
Despite all this, I was given two tremendous opportunities to expand my business. One was with a beauty industry mogul who offered to help me showcase what I could do. I was thrilled! I couldn’t believe it!
It fell apart within weeks, and I was devastated. I felt rejected. What had I done wrong?
Soon after, I had another opportunity to be a part of a show on the network of my dreams! Again I was so excited and told everyone who would listen.
Big-time producers flew in from LA to film me answering a few questions. This was the real deal. God was finally going to come through for me. There was no way He would let me down. Unfortunately, that opportunity also fell through and rejection compounded with embarrassment took over again. I was utterly distraught and fell on my knees, begging God to do something. I couldn’t take any more disappointments.
During this wilderness season, I was drawn closer to Jesus and understood for the first time that He had a plan for me more significant than anything I could have ever dreamed for myself! His only requirement was that I needed to steward better what I had neglected: My health, husband, children, and my home. I returned to the drawing board, chose rest, and never looked back! I see the fruits of that labor now, and I’m grateful for the experience.
The world teaches that hustling and grinding is the only way to make it. I have a feeling your heart knows better. There is something about going against the grain, The Anti-Hustle, that your soul longs for. The idea that it is possible to have peace and serenity that passes all understanding while living out your biggest dreams feels like a cold drink in a desert, doesn’t it?
Abide in Him. Lean into Rest over hustling and grinding, and you’ll see what God does with your obedience! Steward your time with your family, friends, and those God has called you to. I can’t wait to see what He does in you and through you:)
Be Still Darling; there’s so much more on the other side!